Life, Liberty, and the Right Not to Get Shot Down By The Police

BALTIMORE STAND UP!!!!!

Well, Baltimore is standing up, even if people don't agree with how they are standing up.
RIP: #RumainBrisbon #TamirRice #AkaiGurley #KajiemePowell #EzellFord #DanteParker #MichaelBrown #JohnCrawfordIII #TyreeWoodson #EricGarner #VictorWhiteIII #YvetteSmith #McKenzieCochran #JordanBaker #JonathanFerrell #CarlosAlcis #LarryEugeneJacksonJr. #KimaniGray #ReynaldoCuevas #ChavisCarter #ErvinJefferson #KendrecMcDade #WendellAllen #DantePrice #Sgt.ManuelLogginsJr. #RamarleyGraham #DerrickJones #DanroyHenry #AiyanaJones #StevenEugeneWashington #AaronCampbell #OscarGrant #TarikaWilson #DeAuntaTerellFarrow #SeanBell #HenryGlover #TimothyStansbury #AlbertaSpruill #OusmaneZongo #TimothyThomas #PrinceJones #AmadouDiallo #WHO'SNEXT?

Who are these people? People who were unarmed and killed by cops. You want to know why people are rioting and upset? It's because folks are tired of seeing their won people being killed by cops who take it upon themselves to be the judge, jury, and executioner. It is because nothing is being done to the killers. Justice is not being served.

You want to know what people say when the discussion turns to all of the African American people are dying at the hands of trigger-happy cops? Well, check it out:

1. They (the deceased) shouldn't have broken the law! Don't break the law, and nothing will happen to you. Well....blow me over with a feather! I wasn't aware that our Constitution said that cops could become judge, jury and executioner! I thought it was innocent until proven guilty...everyone deserves a trial by jury...apparently, America has rewritten the laws and no one bothered to inform the masses. Breaking a law, doesn't mean that a cop gets to kill you...it means that they get to read you your Miranda Rights and take you to jail.

Well, how about this: Derrick Daniel Thomas (armed and dangerous, even pointed his gun at the cops), Cliven Bundy (8 day armed standoff with police), Joseph Houseman (had a rifle, refused to put it down, said he was exercising his 2nd amendment rights), Dzhokhar Tsarnaev (Boston Marathon), Adam Kokesh (loaded gun in Freedom Plaza), Joseph Clifford Reel (rammed his car into the White House Gates, when Miriam Carey did it, she was shot and killed by the Secret Service), and James Holmes (Aurora, CO movie theater killer). Who are these people? Why, they're the folks who have actually shot at police officers and/or killed other people...but were taken in ALIVE!!!! Well, don't that beat all. You mean that people can be armed and dangerous (and breaking the law) and still be taken in alive?! Hmmm...but people who are not armed can be killed...and all is justified because they were breaking the law and threatening law enforcement...even though it has been PROVEN that they were not armed or threatening law enforcement. I'm confused...how is that possible? Yeah, I'll wait for you to come to that conclusion...

2. I don't hear Black folks condemning black on black crime! They just hate the police! Negative. Contrary to popular media coverage belief, African Americans actually do condemn black on black crime! Will wonders never cease! And...did you know that in the cases of black on black crime, the murderer actually goes to jail? Did you know that? So excuse us as we get upset that when our people are being murdered and justice is not being served because people act as if all cops are gods and therefore infallible. The other thing that ticks us off is that cops investigate cops and find themselves to be innocent and justified! An outside entity needs to investigate...not internal affairs.

3. If you want to bash cops and you hate cops, then don't call them when something goes wrong! Again, correction...people don't hate all cops...just the ones who take the law into their own hand and kill people with impunity. Stop making it about us hating all cops. We don't. We just dislike the ones killing unarmed people...and lying about it by saying they felt threatened..because someone with no weapons is way scarier than someone who is carrying a gun. We expect cops to do their jobs. ARREST the wrongdoers, not kill them. Some of the people listed above actually called the cops for HELP and instead were mistaken as the perp and killed. I support cops, just not crooked ones or ones who lie or break the law themselves.


You want to know why Baltimore is burning? It's because people are tired of being sick and tired. We've marched, we've gone to the polls (only to have folks trying to implement voting restrictions designed to keep them from voting), we've all but gotten on TV and BEGGED America to hear our pleas to stop the senseless killings...to no avail. People are still dying. People are fed up. I GET IT!

The media and some African Americans call them thugs and animals. They only show the riots. They don't show the clean up. They don't show the peaceful protests. They only show the bad. They see the gangs and automatically assume that they are banding together to kill police (even going so far to post it nationwide) when in fact, they're banding together to get people to STOP the looting. They show the riots, but not the cops throwing rocks into the peaceful crowds. They show what will incite the masses, and incite them they have done.

Yes, there are rioters and looters. They are in the minority, not the majority. Let's be clear: I DO NOT CONDONE THE LOOTING AND RIOTING. Let me state that before some people begin to try to tar and feather me. It's wrong...but I get it. I really do. The government wants people to just let the justice system handle it. They want us to be meek and mild. They want us to not cause a ruckus. Well, the justice system is failing, and folks are fed up. We're tired of waiting our turn. We're tired of being treated as if we are less than. We are tired of being sick and tired.

When the Colonists threw all of that tea  into the Boston Harbor, dressed like Native Americans, they were called Revolutionaries and Patriots. not terrorists and animals or thugs. They were too cowardly to go as themselves, so they went as minorities...hmm...catch that people.

When the students at Kentucky, West Virginia University, Keene State College, Michigan State University, University of Tennesse, and Arizona (just to name a few) they were college students upset over the outcome of a sporting game or a festival. THAT was perfectly okay...but let people riot over the unfair deaths of their own and they are branded as animals and thugs. I see that double standard is at work and is alive and well.

When the people in Egypt and other countries overseas rioted and rose up against their government they were called revolutionaries. Us? We're called thugs and thieves.

People get mad over animal cruelty and abortions. People get mad for parents spanking their children...but get quiet as a church mouse when it comes to police killings, brutality, and social injustice here in America.

I condemn all the riots and looting, whether it's over a game or a life. Violence should not beget violence. Stealing and rioting will enforce the negative view that many of the uniformed (who think all African Americans are alike) and ignorant have of our community. You are not helping the cause by tearing down your own community. You are not helping the next Trayvon or Tamir when you loot and riot because the next cop or wannabe cop with a complex and no conscious will not see the innocent, they will see the rioters and take action...and we'll be right back where we started.

What's the solution? I do not know. Violent protests and peaceful protests have not worked. I feel like African Americans are the Hebrews of our time....stuck in bondage (not the literal slavery, but the systemic one) and will spend the next 40 years after being freed wondering in the wilderness. We are a hurt people. We are a people who struggle to find our identity because it was ripped away from us. We are a people, whose ancestors helped to build this country that was stolen from the natives, much like their freedom and labor was stolen....but we are also a people who even after our freedom was won has still not been able to be seen as equal or treated as such.

I hurt. I hurt for my people. I hurt for my country. I hurt for all the injustice. I hurt for the confusion. For what is the correct path? What is the right way? Where do we go from here? Understanding is needed from both sides...but people are tired of trying to be understanding. Tired of not knowing that if we walk out the door (even following the law) we could be mistaken for someone else or killed. THAT is one of the things that frustrates African Americans, not knowing the why or even the when...but knowing that those who would harm us have a very good chance of getting away with their injustices.

You want the riots to stop? Treat us like humans. Hold people accountable for killing others and lying. You want us to be understanding, try being understanding yourself. Just because you understand the rioters, doesn't mean you agree with them. I understand, I don't agree. I KNOW change needs to happen, but it can't be just a few here and there who knows that...everyone has to know that and ACT on it.

WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!! We don't need Baltimore in flames and we don't need any other city in flames. We need unity, and that starts by acknowledging that people (both sides) are doing some things wrong and by working together, and holding people accountable...by not being the judge, jury, and executioner.

Freedom, Rights, Religion and all that Jazz

Freedom: the quality or state of being free; the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action.

Rights: something to which one has a just claim; the power or privilege to which one is justly entitled.

Religion: the belief in a god or in a group of gods; an organized system of beliefs, ceremonies, and rules used to worship a god or a group of gods; an interest, a belief, or an activity that is very important to a person or group.

What the law says about religion and freedom and rights: 

Amendment 1: Freedom of Religion, Speech and the Press; Rights of Assembly and Petition [1]

Amendment 9: Rights Retained by the People (Some feared that the listing of some rights in the Bill of Rights would be interpreted to mean that other rights not listed were not protected. 9th was adopted to prevent such an interpretation)  [1]

Amendment 10: Powers Retained by the States and the People Confirms that the states or people have all powers not given to national government. (ie: marriage) [1]

Amendment 14: “All persons born or naturalized in the U.S. and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the U.S. and of the state wherein they reside. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the U.S.; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.” (section 1).  [1]

Religious Freedom Restoration Act: An act to protect the free exercise of religion.

So now that I have given you necessary information and research, let's begin talking about the latest stirrings in politics: the Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA).

People are up in arms over the latest law that both Indiana and Arkansas have recently passed. But before I continue, did you know that the following states also have similar laws already passed? (Idaho, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, Tennessee, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Missouri, Kentucky, Virginia, South Carolina, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, and Rhode Island). [2]

So back to this RFRA law and what it means and what people are interpreting it as. Many are up in arms because they believe that it means that people will be denied services at businesses based on the owners or employees religious beliefs. The LGBT community are upset because it means that they could be discriminated against because of their sexual preference. People of different religions are upset because it means that they could be denied services from a business that has a different belief system than they do. ALL of them are right.

If you look at this law, it's all about protecting people's free exercise of religion. Meaning: if my religion is such that it does not believe in homosexuality or your god; then I am within my rights to refuse service. 

This is a discriminatory law! Do you know how many religions are out there?! We're not talking just the main religions of the world, we're talking about ALL of them. From Aladura to Zoroastrainism, and all of those in between. That's a lot of discrimination! 

But what does our Constitution say about this? Well, the Constitution is a contradiction. We keep making amendments to cancel out or improve upon or add to whatever is currently going on in the country. Amendment 1 says I have the right to freedom of religion (and speech and press and the right to assemble...like the Avengers). Amendment 9 says I have rights retained by the people; meaning that just because my rights haven't been formally mentioned in the illustrious Constitution, doesn't mean that I don't have them. Amendment 10 says I have powers that the national government may not have given me (like marriage). Amendment 14 says that government (state and federal)  cannot diminish my privileges and that I have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. So, um, what does that mean?

On the one hand the Constitution allows me to practice my freedom however I see fit (short of murder or theft); on the other hand it allows me to pursue happiness in any way that I see fit (short of breaking the law). On another hand, I have certain rights that just because they aren't listed, doesn't mean they don't exist and that I don't have them. See where the confusion comes in? Everyone is justified in their beliefs, everyone is legally right...BUT WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!?!

I'm still trying to find out. I mean I have questions! Why is it that everyone has the right to the pursuit of happiness, but only if they marry someone of the opposite sex? Why is it that it's OK to practice my religion, but really only accepted if it's Christianity...you Islamic people are soooooooo violent (that was sarcasm FYI)...because bigots and violence only ever occur in other religions. Christianity is the model of tolerance and love...which is why we discriminate and call it sticking to our beliefs, or why we used to justify slavery by using the Bible or had Holy Wars, or continuously invade Islamic countries under the banner of trying to improve their government....but I digress. Why is everyone so worried about other people's personal business?!?!

Listen, if you own your own business, kudos to you for helping to employee people and making your own way. But do we really need to discriminate? First, it's we can't serve the LGBT community because our religious beliefs don't coincide with their lifestyle (FYI: there are plenty of people in the LGBT community who are Christians). What if YOUR lifestyle doesn't coincide with someone else's religious beliefs (*gasp* because Christians lifestyles are the PERFECT model for how lives are supposed to be lived...assuming you are following Christ and leading a Christian life...in which case we wouldn't be having this argument). Next, it will be we can't serve this race or that race because my religion believes that we are the only pure race. Then, it'll be we can't serve this sex or that sex. Then, it'll be we can't serve teachers or police or POLITICIANS, or Democrats or Republicans, or whatever nonsense and foolishness people can and will come up with. Some of you will say, "No, that's ridiculous" and I respect your opinion...I just don't agree with it. It's a slippery slope, once you open the door to discrimination, someone is going to bang it wide open and let in the rest of the filth. 

I'm Christian and I firmly believe that Christ taught love and tolerance...you know, love thy neighbor as Christ loved the Church. There is no hierarchy of sin. If you believe that the Bible speaks out against homosexuality, then know that it also speaks out against lying, stealing, killing, envy, greed, drunkenness, lasciviousness, fornication, and adultery. Sin is sin, deal with it...and your own sin. Worry about YOUR salvation first. 

If your religious values will not allow you to service someone else because of how they choose to live or because of anything else that they cannot control, that is your right...but I also hope you refuse to serve liars, adulterers, murderers, rapists, fornicators, and all the other sinners that populate the world...because if you don't, then you ARE discriminating..and trying to hide it under your version of Christianity. Because if we're being honest and realistic, if you chose to run your business based on  your Christian values, you'd be out of business because you wouldn't be able to serve ANYONE because as Romans 3:23 states: "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."

[1]http://isite.lps.org/dhersh/webextras/amendments_overview.pdf
[2]http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the-fix/wp/2015/03/27/19-states-that-have-religious-freedom-laws-like-indianas-that-no-one-is-boycotting/

R.I.P. Dr. Maya Angelou

     I found out about Dr. Angelou's passing during my conference period at work, and I am just blown away. Reading remarks from different people about how her works have touched their lives had me all in my feelings. But why? I mean it's not like I've read any of her works lately, or even in the last decade. It's not like I keep up with her life. So why am I sad? 
     It's because I remember. I remember reading "Phenomenal Woman" for the first time as a middle school kid. I remember reciting it for a drama festival (and winning a superior for it). I remember how it made me feel: strong, invincible, gifted and talented. Remembering how her words affected me. Hearing the wisdom in her words, for sayings like, "if someone shows you who they are, believe them", "If you don't like something,,change it. If you an't change it, change your attitude", "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel", "Nothing will work, unless you do", "While I know myself as a creation of God, I am also obligated to realize and remember that everyone else and everything else are also God's creation" and so many other sayings that hold such wisdom. 

     The people who mourn her don't just mourn the loss of some truly awesome poetry and books, we mourn the loss of wisdom. We mourn a soul that has touched millions. A friend (Symone) said that she looked at Dr. Angelou as a grandmother. Someone she could sit at her feet while she sat in a rocking chair while she imparted priceless wisdom and knowledge. This is true. I think back to the movie, "Tyler Perry's: Madea's Family Reunion" and I think back on what it would have been like to sit at her feet while she recited the poem "In and Out of Time". I'll never know, but I get the feeling it would have been life changing and nothing short of amazing. 
     I'll never get a chance to meet such a fabulous person and amazing soul. I'll never get to sit int he back of an auditorium and hear her speak. I'll never get to just see her in person. I will however, get to remember her through her works of art. She once said that, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." I'll never forget how reading her works made me feel, how empowered I felt in that moment. Thank you, Dr. Maya Angelou for your contribution to my life and for your contribution to countless others lives. Rest well.
     

My princess, Nala Rose

I'm back! LOL, I haven't blogged in a while (I've been super busy) but here goes:

So I teach and coach and I love it. My daughter is now 3 (where did the time go?!) and the hubby and I have been together 10 years and we're coming up on our 6 year wedding anniversary. Man, how time flies! We're all healthy and happy.

Ms. Nala is a handful! We successfully conquered the terrible twos, which turned out to really be the terrific twos because we didn't have problems! Then...she turned three and it was like night and day! Nala started having tantrums and becoming stubborn (I blame Shaddean, lol). She was already a picky eater, but not she's taken it to another level!

My angel is not a morning person (that's from me). Waking her up is a nightmare, especially if it is before 9:00 AM. We have to wake her up every week day at 6:00 to get her ready for school and dropped off by 7:00 AM. She cries (loudly) and kicks and screams...all of which work my nerves. I try to be understanding (inside I really really really want to do the same thing when my alarm goes off at 4:30 in the morning); but I've got to train her to wake up early, she'll be in kindergarten before you know it! So, I have to be mean tough mommy (no nice voice, very stern). This is hard because I just want to hug her and cuddle her, but that doesn't help her at all, it actually makes things worse.

So, then it potty time! NOT Nala's favorite time in the morning! The floor is cold, the toilet seat is cold, the bathroom is cold. To Nala, EVERYTHING is too cold. Put slippers on her feet? Nope! She complains about having them on. Bottom line: she just doesn't want to get up in the morning! After having her tantrum on the toilet, she finally handles her business. Now, on to getting dressed! Yep, another battle. She doesn't want to wear her uniform, she doesn't like those shoes or those socks. She doesn't want to wear those undies. Nothing is ever right, lol!  Then to the bathroom to brush her teeth...this is the ONLY thing Nala likes to do in the morning! No complaints or tears there! Then, it's time to wash her face, more tears and complaints.

Now, one of the most dreaded morning routines...getting her hair combed. It's like pulling teeth! She knows it's coming because as soon as her face is clean, she says, "I don't want to get my hair combed". It's sooooo hard to comb her hair with her squirming, crying, and being uncooperative! Then, once it's finally combed, she'll sometimes look in the mirror and say, "not that bow mommy" or "I don't like it". Grrr!

Getting her to school is next...and it's hit or miss. She'll either walk in on her own, or have a tantrum when I refuse to carry her in (she's about 3'9 and weighs about 35 lbs). Then on to the cafeteria. If there is anything but cereal on offer, she's about to blow up. She doesn't like funny textures (grits, oatmeal, mashed potatoes, etc.). She doesn't like the school's french toast, toast, or pancakes. It's gotten to where when they see Nala, they'll go get her cereal...special treatment just to prevent her from acting out. When she does act out...watch out! Her tantrums can last for a while. Thankfully (on one hand) she doesn't do this at home, but it still baffles me when she does it at school. She cries, screams, kicks at the table, pushes the table..Just destructo-bot. It's embarrassing! No amount of talking or soothing works, because once you walk off, she starts back up. She likes the school and the tantrums only last until after devotion. Once she's in the classroom, she's fine. It's the dropping off part that's dicey.

Pick up is wonderful, she's my little princess angel for the rest of the day...for the most part. Anything involving getting her hair combed and not getting her way equates to a very unhappy Nala. At home, there's punishment (time out, spankings do not work on this child), so we're able to handle her discipline effectively.

Weekends are awesome! We both sleep in (the earliest we get up if we have nothing to do is 9:30), we eat breakfast and we just play! We'll watch My Little Ponies, Doc McStuffins, Mickey Mouse, Princess Sofia, and the Baby's First channel. We'll play with her toys, read work on counting and alphabet sounds. We'll go visit people, basically we just have fun in a low-key relaxed way. Weekends are obviously our favorite time!

One of the qualities that I absolutely love about Nala is her love of books. Maybe because it's one of the few things she gets from me (she is truly her Daddy's child, they look like twins!). Shaddean took her to Toys R Us and told her to get anything she wanted...and she picked out a book! Makes me proud! She always wants you to read to her, and we frequently oblige her.

She loves playing doctor too! She has a Doc McStuffins play clinic and she'll sing the "Time For Your Check Up" song while using her doctor's instruments on me. It's too cute!






Now, my little one is a DIVA...when she wants to be. How she can be picky about her clothes and nail polish, but hate getting her hair done is beyond me. Shopping is a chore because she has definite opinions on what she likes. "No Mommy, not that one", "It's too small!", "It's too big", or "I don't like it" are frequent phrases that I hear when shopping for her. I let her pick what she likes, she has to wear it, but within reason. I like having her make decisions (like clothing), letting her have a little bit of independence and being able to see her decision making skills. She loves nail polish! WARNING: if she ever comes to your house hide your nail polish and makeup! If she gets ahold of your nail polish, she will take them all out in order to pick her favorite one and then ask you to polish her nails and her toes. If she picks an "adult" color, I gently take it away and direct her to pastel colors.

MAKEUP! This little girl LOVES makeup. obviously, I don't let her wear it, but...one day I left the makeup out on the counter in the bathroom and let me tell you...! So I'm laying down in my bed on my Nook Color. Nala is supposed to be watching My Little Ponies in her room...but it is too quiet; I don't even hear the TV...now any parent knows that when it's quiet, the little ones are up to something. So, I get up and walk into Nala's room, only she's not in her room but in the sink area of the bathroom (the sink area is separate from the bath and toilet). Lo and behold, Nala's face is painted with makeup! (FYI: I do my hair and makeup in her bathroom) She has on silver eye shadow and I think she tried to put eye shadow on her mouth using the makeup brush. She's swirling my makeup brush under the water and is using the brush to paint the counter-tops! So, what did I do? Snap a picture and laugh! I shouldn't have left my makeup on the counter, and I should have shut the door to her bathroom. I washed her face off and then made her come in the room with me to take a nap.

The best moments of my day with Nala? Sleeping! I love to hold and cuddle Nala when she sleeps. It's relaxing and it's like a natural stress relief. I can't possibly be upset or stressed when my angel is in my arms...although this has created a problem...she still sleeps with Mommy and Daddy for the most part. I'm working on weaning myself off of holding her and making her sleep in her room all night. She'll start off in there, but get up in the middle of the night and come into our room.  She has a hard time sleeping by herself because she likes to cuddle.

Life as the mom of a 3 year old is: hectic, overwhelming and crazy...but it's also amazingly beautiful. I love that little girl. She's sweet, sassy, and spoiled;  but she's mine (I graciously share her with Shaddean...especially when she acts out or has to get shots, he gets to be the "bad" guy).

Venting!

You can NEVER go back home. In my wildest dreams, I never would have thought that I would be 28 and living back at my parents with a child and a husband. If someone would have told me this 10 years ago, hell even 5 years ago; I'd have laughed so hard and then told them they needed to be committed to a psych ward somewhere. Cliched, but so true. 10 years ago I thought I'd be a lawyer by now, just having gotten married and no kids. 5 years ago, I thought I'd be teaching with a child. Now, present day? I'm married and have a kid working at JCPenney living with my parents. Where did it all go wrong?

First mistake was leaving a stable job of teaching to accept the risky job of coaching in a small out in the back woods town. As much as I love some of the people that I met and coached, leaving my teaching job did not work out for the best. I met great people, but lost my independence when it all ended.

Second mistake was moving back home with my parents. I'm grateful for the place to stay, but this is not working. If not for my daughter, I'd have moved to a homeless shelter months ago. Suffice it to say, you can NEVER go back home. I'll leave it at that.

Third mistake was in thinking that with this whack economy I would be able to find another teaching job. I mean everyone needs teachers right? RIGHT and WRONG! Yes, they need teachers; but it's all about who you know. By the time a job is posted, they've more than likely already found someone they want to officially hire.

So, here I am stuck at home, at JCP, and going nowhere fast. The only reason I get up at this point in life and keep pushing and trying is because I have a daughter who deserves everything I can give her. She deserves it. If not for her, I don't know where I'd be. Probably, a runaway (can you still do that as an adult? lol). And although running away doesn't solve anything, at this point in time, that option is appealing.

Life is so crappy right now. I have all of these feelings inside that I keep bottled up because if I let go, I'd end up disrespecting quite a few people and burning quite a few bridges. If I let loose , I'd find myself homeless and it's not just about me; I've got to look out for my child. Right now, I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, and quite frankly I don't think anyone really cares. The person who is supposed to care more than anyone (besides God) is out chasing their dreams, everyone else's concern is for my child. I'm happy that they all love her, but could someone at least pretend that they care about me?

My birthday was just 4 days ago. Want to know how I celebrated? Staying in the same pajamas that I had on the day before and cleaning. I didn't even comb my hair. I didn't go anywhere. Just cleaned. Way to ring in a birthday right?

I wish that I had done things differently. The only things that I'm grateful for as of right now is my child and my life. I tell you what though, the minute I get a better job, I'm holding on with all my might. I'm not moving or accepting any other job. When I leave this house, it'll be the LAST time I have to move back.

It's a girl!

So, if you haven't figured out by now what I'm having...IT'S A GIRL!!! I cannot tell you how happy I am! Everything has been pink since I've found out, lol! We found out about our little angel on last Thursday and I've been smiling ever since. I mean, don't get me wrong I'd be smiling if it were a boy too (maybe not as hard, but I'd still be smiling!); but I have always wanted a girl and now I'm getting one! At the ultrasound Ms. Nala couldn't keep still! I mean she was standing on her head, turning flips, and the whole time her face was pressed into her chest (that did not look comfortable and I didn't even know it was possible, lol)! Everything looked great...except we couldn't see her face (to check out her nasal bone) or her heart because she wouldn't lift her head up. We'll check it out next time when we go for our checkup with the doctor.

This past weekend we went home to show my parents the ultrasound pictures. My Dad of course is happy and Mama is over the moon. Daddy orginially thought it was a boy. When we told him (in the doctor's office, right after the "verdict" came in) it was a girl, his first words were "tell them to put their glasses on because they obviously didn't see that extra skin on the other side." I just about fell out laughing when he said that! But he was still in 7th heaven.

So, yeah we went home to show my parents the pics and to tell my grandmother she was going to have a great-granddaughter. We also decided to do some baby registry stuff. OMG, it took us about 2-3 hours in Babies-R-Us to do the registry! My mom was in charge of the little scanner wand, and she went pink crazy! It was fun, but then my back started hurting amd Shaddean's feet started aching so we had to call it a day.

We're going to go register at Target and Wally World too (that'll be this weekend). I'm just so excited to be having a girl! I've got decorating ideas and future mother-daughter trip ideas running through my head. I can't wait until she's born!

We're going to start out classical music listening today (we bought the headphones for my belly last night!), and Shaddean and I are going to start reading to her so she can recognize our voices. Although, she should already know mine by now! ;)

Pregnant!!!

So, the hubby and I are expecting a little one in mid February! Exciting right? Yes and no. Yes: I love kids and I'm excited about having my own. No: I'm tired, nauseous, and cranky. I just started my 2nd trimester and I've already thrown up twice. In my first trimester, I only threw up once. I'm more tired now than when I was in the first trimester. My clothes no longer fit, but I am losing weight. I have a headache almost every day, I'm too scared to eat in case I throw up, and no matter how early I go to sleep, I'm always tired. And not just oh I need a nap tired, I'm talking about I could go to sleep at noon and not wake up until 6 at night tired. Matter of fact, there are some days, I'll come home from work with the intention to take an hour nap and not wake up until the next day! Oh and did I mention, I'm constantly having to use the bathroom? It's like 7-8 times a day and in the middle of the night. I'm gassy, and I stay hungry (although the nausea prevents me from eating much).

Don't get me wrong however, I'm still super excited about the baby. I'm almost 4 months and I can't wait to find out what we're having. I've already started baby shopping in my head on what I want to get. I have the travel system all picked out, plus I've narrowed the crib down to 3 choices. I've already scoped out girls and boys baby clothes to see what I would want to dress my child in, and I've already got my list prepared on what I need for my baby registry. Excited much? Yes! Everyday, even when I'm going through hell, I think about when I'll finally be able to hold my little one. Will it look like me? My husband? Both of us? Our parents or siblings? Will they be tall or will they take after my Dad's side and be short? Will they play sports? Or will my daughter be (ugh!) a prissy girl? Will my son be more nerdy geek or athletic? Or will they be both? I'm hoping for both, there's nothing like a smart athlete! Will I be a good mom? Will Shaddean be a good dad? And then...Will the grandparents make our lives hell by spoiling the kid rotten?

I've already picked out the names (let's be real, I've had names picked out for YEARS!!!). Godparents have already been decided on, and I've already decided on where I want to dedicate my baby (at none other than Mt. Rose!). I stay on the internet looking at nursery room motifs to get an idea of how I want my baby's room decorated. I like pink and purple for a little princess and blues and greens for my little man. I love going to ultrasound appointments because I always experience such joy at seeing my baby on the monitor. The first two times we saw it, it couldn't be still! It was just moving its little arms and legs. This last time, it was in chill mode--literally! With one arm behind its head, and with its legs crossed at the ankles; my little angel was chilling! It was too cute!

I can't wait for February, but it seems like February can wait for me. I swear time is creeping by at a snail's pace! February please hurry! Besides the fact that I'd love to be free of these pesky symptoms, I cannot wait to meet the little one who resides within me! And it'll be a joy to see my hubby's face when he finally holds the baby. AND I can't wait to place my little one in my parents arms and say, "This is your new grand______"

Oh! And did I mention my brother and his wife are expecting their first child? And that their baby is due in February as well? And that we're practically due at the same time? And no, it wasn't planned. These little ones are our parents first grandchildren. So it's double the blessing for our family!